Seeing Red (Copyright by Sue 18th June 2010

There once was a parrot called Bert ,
who could pick up on every word ;
when Betty was alone
she would answer the phone ,
to discover it was only the bird.

Mr Ubend stayed in the flat ,
trying to mend a leaky tap ,
Bert supervised from his perch ,
as the plumber for his tools did search.

A hammer was dropped on his toe
and an evil temper he showed ;
a slug of whiskey from his flask ,
limped about ending his task.

Soon the vicar he came round ,
Bert did not make a sound ,
but when Betty appeared with the tray ,
" Oh effing hell " he did say.

Bert fixed Mr Pew with beady eye ,
" Eff off eff off " he did cry ,
he hopped around from foot to foot
his owner was afraid to look.

Betty uttered a hasty prayer ,
that perhaps the vicar wouldn't care ,
but a sense of humour he had not
so she began to cough a lot.

" Would you like a biscuit with your tea ?
He didn't learn those words from me " ;
" I'm sure he didn't " , the vicar said ,
Betty ,stressed , was seeing red.

" Shit shit " the parrot squawked ,
interrupting the vicar's talk -
hastily she covered the cage ,
which put the parrot in a rage .

Under the towel could be heard
clearly the parrot's every word ;
" One lump or two ?" with a sigh ,
" Effing hell " came the quick reply.

God only knew if this was original sin ,
or what else Bert held under his wing ,
rattles and whistles were loudly heard
" Eff off eff off " screeched that blasted bird.

At last the vicar he got up
handed over his pretty cup ,
forgotten tool caused a nasty trip
as across the floor he slipped ;
sharply an " Effing hell " was heard ,
and this time it wasn't that wicked bird !