"Satnav" Copyright Sue 6th September 2011

A message bleeped on the astraphone
to the aliens at the messierdome ,
to the blue planet you must go ,
our ways to them you need to show .

They don't possess a brain or head
metallic fibres there instead
but in their way they were delighted -
with pleasure nerves soon ignited .

On earth eventually they would land
disguised as toadstools as per plan ,
wondering how they would survive
hidden beside the M25 .

The dismay was fed along their wires
fungal life no nice surprise -
what is all this noise and fuss
which could make our circuits rust .

When we were so fast ejected
we didn't find what we expected
this was their complaint to base
coding the horrors they did face .

Please get us out of here
we can't stand the atmosphere
earth is not a friendly site
it is too wet , this can't be right .

"Earth?" came a quick reply ,
" I'll explain to you the reason why -
Neptune is the bluest planet
and that is where you should've landed! "

A Favour Copyright Sue 6th September 2011

The neighbours came on bended knee ,
to Bermuda they must flee -
we only have six cats , no fuss ,
please do this job for both of us .

Easy I thought it would be
so stupidly I did agree -
but a further problem reared its head ,
to Cleo pills must be fed .

A large tablet twice a day
down her throat should make its way :
so I would be free from harm
with a plunger I was armed .

Under the fridge I had to crawl ,
barely reached the cat at all ,
the pill covered now with spit ,
gingerly I grabbed for it .

Towards the cat I did lunge
with the dropper then to plunge
the pill flew through the air
and the cat it wasn't there .

Every day I had this farce ,
a complete pain in the ****
blue collar lost in our fight
my scratched arm quite a sight .

Every time a different place
ejected pills I had to face ,
the mog I swear she laughed at me
scrabbling around on one knee .

Under the furniture I did go
discovered things I shouldn't know
sights I'd rather not have seen
much dust and dirt in between .

I really cursed that wretched cat
who could escape in seconds flat ,
but they'd return from foreign lands
with a decent present in their hands .

All I got was a stupid hat
and I felt a total prat -
for Cleo's collar it is red
so to the wrong cat the pills I'd fed !

Dinosaur Copyright Sue 5/6/11

What's a flaming firewall ?
I fail to understand ,
am never seen on Facebook ,
there's no Kindle in my hand.

I wonder what an 'app' is ,
perhaps it will 'app'ear ,
and my thoughts on extensions
are never very clear.

The computer man comes often ,
and thinks that I'm a berk ,
the mother board's got crumbs in ,
that's why it doesn't work.

A dongle is a mystery ,
or how many megabytes there are ,
its got more brains than I have ,
and more memory by far.

Has more trojans than Helen of old ,
is prone to a virus or two ,
contains more spam than the co-op ,
and its had a dose of the flu.

Html or word doc ,
I don't 'Excel' at 'Sage' ,
find myself a dinosaur
in this computer age.

So there it is my laptop ,
with smirking silver face
but should it play its games with me
I shove it back inside its case.

"Whats the problem" Copyright Sue 7/4/11

What's the problem ? Do you have the time ? We complain about the weather and too much crime. What's the problem ? We can only guess , too many people and too much stress. The cost of petrol , internet fraud , sorry moaning too much , you must be bored. To read the paper is to be aware that life is hard and so unfair ; human sympathy is being eroded , our fragile nerves are colour-coded. So don't ask what the problem is , for no-one hears the reply , raise your anger to the winds , and scream your fears at the sky.

"THE CAT'S TAIL" Copyright Sue February 1st 2011

Tibbles sits on a rail,
and looks at Tarquin's fluffy tail,
"Why" he mewed, "is mine so thin?"
and Tarquin answered with a grin -

"Because I'm a bigger cat than you,
when I was young I grew and grew,
you should have eaten more Kitekat,
maybe then your tail would be less flat."

Tibbles in the bush did lurk,
Tarquin hissed with a smirk -
"At least your tail won't get in the way
should you ever catch some prey."

Tibbles thought "I'll teach that jumped-up mog,"
amongst the undergrowth he slogged,
obtained many a seagull feather,
and patiently wound them all together.

Next morn on the fence he proudly sat,
waiting for that poncey cat,
waving new grey bushy tail,
"I'm impressed," said Mr Snail.

Tarquin looked jealous when he came,
his own tail shrivelled by the rain;
Tibbles' secret would never be heard,
but he quietly blessed that big seabird.

" Ocelot" by Sue Copyright 1/2/2011

Toucan utters its haunting cry,
leaves flutter as a sigh,
golden eyes lurk unseen
masked by a world of green.

The ocelot seems asleep,
coiled high on its branch,
ears poised, a gentle yawn,
adrift the breeze, aromas borne.

He twitches his nose
and the tip of his tail,
no sound travels unheard,
knows the call of every bird.

Its not so long since he last ate,
he can afford to lie in wait
and capture darkness with a throaty yowl
not unlike the monkey's howl.

Croaking frog, hissing snake,
all the forest is awake,
but the cat curls up once more,
and veils his head with spotted paw.

VIRTUAL Copyright Sue November2010

The virtual is on the blink ,
wearily she tried to think ,
which makes it really rather hard
to pay by actual credit card.

She lay upon the stone cold floor ,
imagined roses round the door ,
fantasy blanket warmly wrapped ,
as she tried to take a nap.

The hotel's special breakfast pill
of egg and bacon was a thrill ,
but the second tablet was a bore -
she couldn't swallow any more.

Paying at the mini booth
was a pain to tell the truth ;
the ghost reception had a line ,
and didn't know the checkout time.

Since the virtual had gone down ,
no access to the plastic town ;
the train was a computer game
but she had to catch it just the same.

Which button then to press
was a question of a guess -
at least she got the highest score ,
so it didn't matter any more.